For the last few years of my adult life, I've participated in the rat race that is Black Friday in the United States. Last year I was standing in line in front of Joann's at 6:00am and the year before that I marched out to find the boyfriend a gift I had been eying for him. Waking up this morning, I couldn't help but feel a little empty that I, too, wasn't out there armed with a shopping cart ready to find a good deal and float on the high of that deal for the rest of the day.
Operation "Simply Making Do" began a few days ago, and so I have slowly began the task of unsubscribing from the multitude of emails that fill my inbox every day. It takes sometimes up to a week or two for the unsubscribe request to be completed, unfortunately, so the deluge of BLACK FRIDAY deals began bombarding me yesterday during Thanksgiving dinner. I would be lying if I didn't open a few. Because I did. My inner crafter is screaming right now, "Hey! Joann's is offering free, no-minimum shipping through the first week of December. Yaaaaarn! Papercraftssss." Let me tell you, that inner crafter is persistent.
I awoke this morning knowing that this is my first real challenge on my road to kicking my need to spend, spend, spend. In the effort to try to work through this urge to go out and enjoy this national shopping holiday with my fellow shopaholics, and not just simply ignore it, I decided to try to write through it.
As I look around my apartment, I can begin to stockpile a list in my mind of things I'd love to buy. Things that I've convinced myself would make my everyday life feel more complete, accomplished, and let's just say it, better than everyone else. Because that's what this need to buy
things is all about, right? It's about stacking up better to my neighbor. Lifestyle blogs that feature gorgeous table spreads, delicately decorated guest rooms, and spotless modern kitchens are a weakness of mine. They are a weakness for many young women. But after getting lost for hours in some beautiful blog with stunning pictures of a perfect home or party,
the simple truth is that I feel like crap. Lifestyle blogs, though pretty and a fun time suck, make me feel like shit. "This tension between authenticity and aspiration may be at the heart of
why lifestyle blogs don't just inspire readers, they also tend to bum
them out." Sure, I am feel inspired, but that inspiration always feels out of reach. There are always things I'd need to purchase to get near to that feeling of a creating a beautiful home.
If I could go out today on a Black Friday shopping spree (I'm salivating a little here) and buy ten items that I believe would make my home feel more complete, they would be:
- Bed pillows
- Matching dish set
- Matching silverware
- Cookware set
- Sectional sofa
- Mattress
- Shower curtain
- Carpet shampooer
- Vacuum
- Coffee table
I'm looking back at this list and only one item is something that I don't currently own. Everything else I've already had for years, but something inside of my mind tells me it's either old, rundown, or needs replacing. Why is this? Why is the perceived expiration date on my material possessions so short? When I re-assess this list and think about it, how long have I really had these items and why do I think I need new ones now?
To "Simply Make Do," I have to adapt and be creative. The desire to buy new, pretty things will never completely go away. But the trick is to teaching myself to consider alternatives and learn to find the same satisfaction that I would feel in buying new things. Before I run out to replace an item or buy something I feel like I desperately need, I have to ask myself:
- Is this really a need or a want?
- If I already own this, can I clean it up to make it, most importantly, more hygienic?
- If I really, really need something, can I buy it second-hand?
- If I really, really need something and can't buy it used, can I buy it at a discount?
In taking a look back at my list, I need to think about necessity versus need and creative ways to make do.
- Bed pillows - It's true that clean, newer pillows are important for my health. I just need to save up and wait until they go on sale. Waiting will ensure that I get the best price and that I truly need it.
- Matching dish set - This really isn't a need and our current dishes, which we have more than enough of, do the job just fine.
- Matching silverware - Again, suck it up :)
- Cookware set - We have plenty of skillets and sauce pans. If any become unusable, maybe I could ask around to see if any family members have a set they are looking to get rid of or check out the local thrift stores.
- Sectional sofa - As lovely as this would be, our current living room furniture is fine. When we move one day, we can look into buying a new set or sectional sofa used or see if a friend or family has one they don't want. In the meantime, I could always possibly steam clean ours to give them a sprucing up.
- Mattress - If the boyfriend and I are in for the long haul, we will purchase a mattress together in the next few years. Now is not the time and we both sleep well now. I should make sure to flip the mattress and the mattress topper every few months to give the bed a "fluffing up."
- Shower curtain - The shower curtain we have now is only a year old and it is not a necessity to replace it. Give it a complete clean with laundry detergent or vinegar to make it squeaky clean once again.
- Carpet shampooer - As much as I would love to have a carpet shampooer of our own, let's be honest, in my tiny apartment, where am I going to store it? Once it's spring and warm again outside, I can rent a carpet shampooer to give the carpet a clean. It's no use shampooing the carpet now unless I want to wait hours for it to dry.
- Vacuum - Our current vacuum is still chugging along fine. Once old faithful dies, only then can I think about getting a new one.
- Coffee table - It's true that our current coffee table is broken. In a freak crafting accident I cracked a portion of the tempered glass and we've covered the break with coffee table books and a tablecloth so none of the cats hurt themselves on it. It's been like that for at least two years now. I've lived with it this long, do I really need a new one?
I need to remember to be gentle on myself. I can't berate myself or judge myself too harshly for getting a high on acquiring new things because after all, it's been a long indoctrination process. Like the practice of mindfulness, when I begin to daydream about going out and buying a new item, I need to gently bring myself back to the present and realize how happy I am with what I already have, because really, I do have everything that I need.
It's 5:04pm on Black Friday and I've got a lot done today at home. I put most of Christmas up, resisted the desire to make a list of extra decorations to buy, read "Little Women," watched "Christmas Vacation," inched my way through a mountain of dishes, and enjoyed staying in. I think a cup of hot chocolate is in order to reward myself for a job well done today.
